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Wednesday, February 28, 2024

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Live Laugh Lesbian with Helen Scott: Porn Again

Everyone’s big gay sister waxes lyrical on the ways that porn can open your mind and make you a more confident lover

I’m a total people-pleaser. I was born this way baby, and throughout my early 20s that need to please carried over into the bedroom. And I was good. I mean, Jodie Comer good. I knew exactly what noises to make, how to switch up positions like an Olympic gymnast and eye contact. Ohhh, the eye contact! But as I grew into myself, and the £s on therapy bills racked up, I shed my inner pornstar and focused instead on what actually gets me off. And my lesbian god, was it worth it.

Porn went from being something I couldn’t relate to and yet imitated, to being my personal library of intrigue. Let’s face it, whatever you’re into, you can find it out there on the world wide web. But firstly, how do you know what you’re into? My first experience of porn was staying at my friend’s house as a kid and switching to Babestation on cable when the adults had gone to bed. I didn’t understand what porn was at that point, but I knew that I was fascinated. The lingerie, the music, the exposed vagina in all its glory – it was absolutely mesmerising.

Then of course, as I’ve mentioned, my early twenties were all about being the fantasy. I loved watching my girlfriends scroll through Pornhub so that I could dress up and make their dreams come true. And while it got me off, getting them off, I always felt slightly lacking for not really knowing what I wanted. I actually felt kind of dumb, or embarrassed even when asked about my own personal desires. For such a long time, other than being topped, I really didn’t know.

However, like a prince(ess) from a fairytale, it took one generous, patient, and intrigued partner to whip out the laptop on a regular basis, and encourage me to hit up the porn sites and get curious. And that’s where my self-exploration really began. I started by watching gay men getting down and dirty. Lesbian porn, as all lesbians know, is a shambles and it really got me off

for a while imagining what it would be like to have a penis. From there, I explored more story-focused porn, something with characters, a plot and great shagathons throughout. I dabbled in Hentai, explored my intrigue around submissive/dominant pleasure, unleashed a passion for orgies and group sex, and most recently – don’t ask – medieval roleplay.

Helen Scott

Now you might be thinking, Helen, we don’t need to know everything you’ve been wanking to, but you do, and here’s why. If more people had talked about not only porn but the joy and ease of self-exploration when I was in my 20s, I might not have taken so long to come into my own. Literally! It’s utterly human to enjoy, want and value sex and self-pleasure, and because of my journey with it, I not only want to advocate it but champion it for all the positive ways it’s affected my life. From being more confident in who I am as a person, to feeling liberated and non-judgemental, there is, in my view, no negative impact of learning more about what makes you tick.

There’s a dark undertone to porn, I know that and you can’t escape that fact, particularly for young men and the misogyny that women face. But used in an intelligent and almost academic way (without taking the sexiness out of it completely), it can do such incredible things for our well-being. Learning what you like, what you enjoy and what gets you off is, and should be, the starting point to having healthy sexual relationships with others. Of course, we learn from partners along the way, but the more sexually empowered you are by yourself, the more likely you are to have a thriving and exciting sex life. And that’s a fundamental human right in my opinion!

So yes, porn may have duped me at first into thinking I needed to be some sort of moaning, acrobatic, submissive strumpet. But ultimately, it’s allowed me to take control of who I am and discover things about myself I may never have known without the black hole of endless sexual possibilities that awaits us online.

Helenscottuk.com
@helenscottuk

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