Christmas is a lot of things, but it’s rarely sexy — comfy knitwear and sprout farts aren’t generally regarded as alluring.

Thankfully, the notorious fetish network Recon can save you from a staid and sexless festive period. Every year, it hosts a massive end-of-year party, complete with pumping dance floors, sleazy dark rooms and an enthusiastic crowd of geared-up guys.

This year, it’s taking place at the legendary superclub Fabric, famous for its sound systems — all the better for getting down to DJs like Tafakanik, Wayne G, Jeffrey Hinton and more. There’ll be a specially designed

playroom for you to nose around in, plus a second-hand gear shop and a VIP Lounge if you’re feeling fancy.

So don’t settle for a Mrs Brown’s Boys rerun and a third tin of Quality Street — peel yourself off the sofa, throw on something outrageous and make Christmas sexy again.