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Sunday, June 16, 2024

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Christmas Chezza is HERE!! answering your December dilemmas

Someone very wise once said “Hey sis, it’s Christmas” and I’m BEYOND excited for this year’s celebrations! Some of you aren’t, though. Instead of writing lists of prezzies to Santa, you’ve been busy sending me letters with all your problems. Well, let’s see what this diva can do for ya!

 

Dear Diva,

I love my darling husband so much and we’re compatible in every way apart from one – for some reason, we both run at different temperatures. He’s fine to wander around the home all year in shorts and a t-shirt, whereas I feel the cold easily. As you can guess, we argue over the heating quite a bit – sexy, I know. How can I get him to stick on the radiators a bit more?

Ralph, Eltham 

 

Hi Ralph, my angel. Look, in the words of Girls Aloud’s Something Kinda Ooooh: ‘I’ve got to heat it up, Doctor got to heat it up’! Now we’re approaching the season of freezing temperatures, every diva deserves to feel toasty. I for one would have the heating on the second it falls below 15 degrees. I think you should slyly start sneaking the radiators off in specific rooms that get super cold. And if they complain, tell them the whole system will fuck up and cost him a fortune if they don’t get turned on regularly. That normally scares them! 

 

Chezza!

Settle a disagreement I’m having with my friend over lying about your age on Grindr. I have been known to shave a few years off because I suddenly get a lot more messages when I do. My pictures are all recently taken though and I think I look the age I put! He thinks it’s wrong to lie to people. What do you think?

Anton, Merton

 

Anton darling, it’s all well and good to trim a few years off for a bit of no-strings fun if you’re 90% sure you’re never gonna see them again, but if you were looking to have a more regular serious thing with people, then you need to be upfront from the jump. I personally would be thinking that if they’re lying about their age, what else are they telling porkies about? Just remember fun is fun, but don’t get caught in the web.

 

Hey Cheryl,

I’m going to my mum’s for Christmas this year but she is a true festive tyrant. You’re never allowed to just sit still and watch crap telly. You have to be playing parlour games, doing weird traditions or sitting around with people from the village. It’s OK for a bit, but it’s also a week off work for me and I want to relax a bit. Selfish I know, but how can I ask her politely to let me be?

John, Limehouse

 

John, we’ve all been there. I personally am always up for the campery of Christmas but when I’m tired or want some Chezzy time, it’s very clear to all around. I think you just need to go into the first day back at your mum’s talking about how exhausted you are from work and how you just wanna chill, but will totally join in. You just need time for some R&R and then you can see Brenda from 43 down the road.

 

Hi Cheryl,

I love my fashion and am pretty good at turning a lewk I would say. However, my friend is a bit of a copycat and will take inspiration from me, sometimes a bit too literally. I try to stay ahead of him, but there have been occasions when we’ve both worn very similar things on a night out and it makes it look like I’ve copied him when it’s always the other way around! How can I get him to stop copying me?

Joey, Dalston

 

Joey Joey Joey, it’s like I’m talking to Sister Sister and A’Whora on Season 2! I think you should be taking it as the highest compliment going that someone really admires your style – I know for a fact I struggle big time out of drag. I think there should be a campy way of getting the message across that they’re starting to dress very similarly to you. Maybe a silly little Instagram story with a poll saying ‘Who Wore It Best? or something?’

 

Help me!

I’ve got one of those annoying other halves who are so difficult to get gifts for. Everything they want, they get straight away for themselves and they never play along with my subtle attempts to ask them what they want. Can you think of something completely out of the box that I can get them?

Sam, Wapping

 

Sam, I’m so sorry because I am that person too! I always ask for stuff I know I won’t buy, like socks, underwear, pyjamas and bits and bobs. Maybe you should just get a hamper of their favourite things, perhaps throw in a little day trip voucher or experience that you’ll both love.

 

Dear Cheryl,

Last New Year’s Eve, I got lucky at a party and had one of the greatest shags in my life with this Spanish guy, who had to fly back a couple of days later. I’ve barely stopped thinking about it all year and we’ve stayed in touch on Instagram, with the chat always pretty flirty and the odd nude or two being sent. He’s invited me over to Valencia this NYE to recreate the moment, but is it crazy to even consider it?

Orlando, Ladbroke Grove

 

ORLANDO. BOOK THAT FLIGHT TICKET AND GO! Don’t stop, don’t think. Your head is already telling you that you want to go. Life is too short to not take opportunities when they present themselves, so go have fun somewhere new. Be safe. And remember Auntie Chez said to wear a condom. 

 

Catch our Chezza in 2023!! Back in the New Year! Send your questions to editorial@gaylondonlife.co.uk

 

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