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Thursday, June 20, 2024

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Cheryl is here to answer your Halloween dilemmas!

Alexa, Play This Is Halloween! Yes divas, the month is here and it’s the spooky season, but in all honesty, I don’t care BECAUSE IT’S MY BIRTHDAY MONTH!

Get ready kids, cos October 18th is officially Chez Day! Anyway, I’m here yet again to look after your woes and worries so let’s not waste any more time and dive into the questions. 

 

Hey Cheryl,

I’m thinking of applying to appear on the fifth season of a little-known televised contest for drag queens – do you have any insider tips for getting on?

J

Hey J, well famously it’s been a hot second since I sent in an audition tape for a certain tv show. But my biggest tip is just to be your true authentic self. Worrying about what you think the producers want is only gonna strip you of all your best assets. They want to see what you bring to the table so leave in the bloopers, push yourself and remember to have fun. Drag is fun!

 

Hi Cheryl,

It’s coming up to Halloween but there’s only one thing I’m scared of – my boyfriend’s fag hag. She hasn’t warmed to me since I started dating her bezzie earlier in the summer and is passive-aggressive, possessive and even a little rude when we’re all together. I just shrug it off but it’s getting harder and harder to ignore. How should I deal with this delicate situation?

Jonathan, Clerkenwell

Jonathan my diva, we’ve all been there with the jealous dolls. This is something that needs to be addressed with your boyfriend first before anything. He’s probably so oblivious to it all cos it’s how she has most likely acted her entire life. Once his eyes are wide open, he should be the one to call her out on the antics. If it comes from you straight away, I’m sure World War 3 would start on the streets of Soho. Just know, there’s plenty of room for all the divas in the world! 

 

Hello,

For quite a few years now, I’ve hosted a Halloween party that has been infamous among my friends. This year, however, I have new neighbours, who are super-sensitive about noise – they once came over to tell me to stop vacuuming at 9pm! How can I put on another one of these parties with these fun sponges ready and waiting to complain?

Linda, Newham

Linda doll, you’ve just gotta give these buzzkills an ultimatum. They can loosen up, stop being boring bitches and even attend your party, or they can just find some great noise-cancelling headphones. I’m sure you’re not blasting Dula Peep in your garden at 1am so they should just respect your space! 

 

Dear Chezza,

This is a sensitive one – basically, I haven’t been blessed in the appendage department and it’s starting to make me a little down recently. How can I stop feeling jealous about well-endowed guys?

Rob, Brighton

Rob, my darling – don’t worry! I too have not been blessed like some of these people but you have to remember, there are so many cocks that we all haven’t seen. In porn and certain corners of Twitter, we’re always shown the well-hung boys but the reality is everyone is special and unique. You’re a gorgeous person so be proud of who you are. And by the way, it’s not about the size, it’s about how well the car drives!

 

Hey Cheryl,

I’ve finally accepted that I’m falling out of love with my boyfriend of three years and I’m ready to end things. The big problem is that it’s his 30th birthday in two weeks and he’s going all-out for the celebrations. Obviously, I can’t break up with him beforehand, but how long do you think I can leave it after he’s blown out the candles?

Priyesh, Barnes

Oh this is a tough one, my diva! Personally, I’d rip off the Band-Aid and just call time on the relationship before the birthday. Whether you decide to remain as friends or go separate ways, at least they can start their new chapter. If you leave it too long, they’ll probably wonder how long you’ve been planning it. I know it’s tough but you just gotta do what you gotta do to make yourself a happy diva! 

 

Hi Ms Hole,

Coming from Essex, I figure you might have an opinion on this. I’m thinking of flying over to Turkey for some veneers as my teeth are a little worse for wear – too much smoking, possibly. I’m wondering if should I ask for something natural or, seeing as I’m paying big bucks, just go for some proper dazzlers?

Jerome,  

Jerome my diva, you’ve come to the right place! In all honesty, it’s whatever you want that is going to make you feel like the shining star that you are. I did LENGTHY research into the dentist I went to and actually spoke to people who had been. There are lots of dentists popping up left, right and centre that won’t care and will slap in some Ikea teeth. In terms of what you want, they have teeth style charts and shade ranges, and you can see them all in person. If you’re worried that they’ll be too out there, just ask them to go a shade or two down from the brightest! 

Want your dilemma to be featured? Email editorial@gaylondonlife.co.uk

Catch Cheryl here same time next month or follow 24/7 on Instagram @cherylholequeen

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